The Terrifying Mr. Darcy

I have a confession to make: I've never been enamored of Mr. Darcy.  I know, I know.  For one thing, I didn't read Pride and Prejudice until after high school.  I watched the BBC miniseries with a couple of friends (not Krispy) who adored P&P, and prior to this I had heard many a girl gush of her love for the incredibly hot Mr. Darcy, so perhaps my expectations were skewed from all the hype.

I mean, Darcy's all right.  In the end, he owns up to being a douchebag, changes his attitude, and proves himself noble, which is all cool.  But when he's being all cool and noble and all it's totally behind the scenes and we don't really see his transformation, just the end results that kind of pop up out of nowhere.

So, yes, I like Darcy all right, though I've never loved him.  Which is why when I heard from Krispy and her Sister that in the UK somebody made a 12-foot-tall statue of Mr. Darcy and plunged it into a lake to recreate the scene of Colin Firth rising from the lake in the BBC miniseries--a scene which isn't even in the book, might I add--I was bemused.

Then they showed me pictures and I.



Brace yourself.  It's not pretty.  Far from it.  Especially if you like Colin Firth and Mr. Darcy and think Colin Firth arising from a lake with his dark hair tousled and his dripping clothes clinging to the hard outlines of his muscular body is attractive.

In fact, you know what, I don't even know if I can bear to post a picture of it here.  Just look at the picture in this Guardian article. 

Mind you, I'm not horrified because I love Mr. Darcy.  I'm horrified because it's a 12-foot-tall fiberglass statue that looks vaguely like Colin Firth and a great deal more like when it's after midnight and a faint scuttling sound wakes me up from a delightful dream about baby unicorns riding galactic creampuffs and I lie awake in bed paralyzed by fear for the next six hours with my eyes glued to the curtains because all I can think of is that statue lurking outside my window and oh god I swear I see the faintest silhouette of it in the moonlight and it's moving.


Anyway, Krispy's Sister also found this statue to be highly disturbing and she wrote a very appropriate Buzzfeed article about it entitled "Mr. Darcy Emerges from a Lake and Into My Nightmares", a title she came up with all on her own and takes the words right out of my mouth or rather away from my fingertips.  The article mentions the fact that the gigantic statue is in fact going on a tour of the UK, and raises the question: If he's going on tour now, where was he popping up before?

This is where she asked me for my meager Photoshop skillz.  I obliged, only because I know that I must face my fears in order to conquer them.  Which in this case meant staring at pictures of the terrifying Mr. Darcy for more than an hour as I documented the statue's journey prior to his unveiling on July 8.

And now, since I had to face my fears, KRISPY AND SISTER, FACE YOURS:

Family portrait for Independence Day.

Is Darcy a photobooth prop, a photobomber, or a 12-foot-tall specter of unmitigated evil?
Answer: All of the above.
Having forced your eyes to see the unseeable, dear friends, have a happy Friday.  Stay cool and look over your shoulder because you never know where Darcy will pop up next.

Did you read Pride & Prejudice?  Did you crush on Mr. Darcy?


Jaime Morrow said...

Oh my gosh. I'm laughing so hard right now. Also: I'm a little bit terrified. That thing is HIDEOUS. And HUGE! (Which feels a bit like a TWSS moment...) What on earth were they thinking?! It doesn't even look good.

I love all the photoshopped pics. I think my favourite has to be the one in Krisy's sister's article of Jumbo Darcy on the balcony with Will & Kate. Yikes!

Thanks for the laugh! I needed that. (Though, I could probably have done without the side order of nightmares. :P)

Connie Keller said...

Eeuw. ugly.

I did like Mr. Darcy, but I fell love with his house. :)

Katy Upperman said...

Oh my gawd... He is terrifying!

I'm a little bit ashamed to admit that I haven't read PRIDE AND PREJUDICE. I've seen the movie though, and I don't recall being terribly smitten with either romantic option. Maybe I should read the book to see if I feel different.

Those photo-shopped pictures are the BEST. :-)

Anonymous said...

I thought I liked Darcy. . . then I saw that statue. ;) But it totally made my day. Thanks for sharing!

Julie Dao said...

That thing looks NOTHING like him, which is what I told my friend when she posted that on my Facebook wall, thinking I'd like it. Why couldn't they have printed a picture of Colin Firth's face and glued it on to the figure? LOL

Lydia Kang said...

I saw that statue of Mr Darcy and I was all "NOOOOOOO! YOU'VE RUINED THE MOMENT!!!!!"

I love Mr Darcy. When Alz and I need to have our Mr Darcy gushing, we'll kick you out of the room.