Showing posts with label storytime. Show all posts
Showing posts with label storytime. Show all posts

11.01.2013

Murder, the Buttonquail Wrote

I warn you: This is a tale of misdeed and mystery, mischief and murder, and possibly cannibalism.  It is not for the faint of heart or those who love small cute Disney-looking birds.  It is a true story, one that occurred over the course of several weeks this very year.

Once upon a time, Alz's dad liked to keep buttonquail.  They are petite little birds that look like something right out of Disney's Bambi.

Not quite buttonquail.

This is a buttonquail.
They're tiny cute little buggers.  They could sit in the palm of your hand, though my dad's certainly didn't.  My dad has kept buttonquail before, though they inevitably succumbed to illness or rats or UFOs since they sometimes seemed to vanish right out of the cage, never to be seen again.  He kept them in a large outdoor enclosure with doves roosting overhead--the birds all get along fine by ignoring each other, though the buttonquail have to suffer the occasional indignity of being pooped upon.

It is an idyllic picture, the doves cooing gently to each other on their perches above while the wee buttonquail bob and hop about down below.  There was a male and his harem of four females, since they are social creatures and need a little company in life.  Everything seemed fine and dandy until one day--

DEATH.

The doves were all there, indifferent and perhaps even ignorant of the gruesome scene below.  Quail are beneath them in more ways than one, after all.  The male buttonquail and three of the females were scuttling about as usual.

But the fourth female was a  sight: she lay amid the drying smears of her own blood and gore, eyes glazed in death, and her rear end chewed out.  Her insides had, apparently, been partially eaten by something.

I warned you it was not for the faint of heart.

My dad was, of course, shocked and dismayed by the unexpected and brutal demise of this poor little quail.  He had learned from the quail seller that the males are sometimes little bastards overly aggressive and express dominance over the females by pecking them, even to the point of killing them.  My mom thought it must have been the work of a rat that sneaked its way past the traps and through the cage-mesh and into the enclosure.

To protect the remaining four quail, my dad put them in a smaller cage inside the big enclosure. Everything seemed fine until the next day when--

DEATH AGAIN.

Inside the cage within a cage, there were the male and three females--two alive and one dead, murdered in the same savage manner as the first.  Further, the male seemed to be picking on the newer (and smallest) female, so my dad put him in jail to separate him from the females.  My dad was understandably pissed at the male.

After three days, my dad finally relented and put the quail back together again.  And then--

DEATH ONCE MORE.

Or nearly, at any rate.  My dad found the new small female barely alive, with its rear end pecked and bloodied.  The male was in the cage, calm and collected as usual.  The other female, the biggest and oldest hen, was there too.

With blood on her beak and chest feathers.

And so the buttonquail male had been falsely accused all along!  Buttonquail hens in the wild expel rival females from their territory, so undoubtedly the big female had had enough of these other little nuisances dancing around her man!  Oh, the humanity!  Er, buttonquaility!

And so life went on for a few days.  Maybe it was even a week or two.  The female at last had the male all to herself.  But you know this isn't the end.  You know what's coming.

DEATH.

One day not long after the last cannibalistic hen murder, my dad found the last buttonquail hen dead on the floor of the enclosure.  Pecked to death, it seemed, though not eaten in the manner of the previous hens.

And there was the male nearby.

Alive.

Sound.

Pitter-pattering about like normal.

There were no witnesses but the doves, who are notoriously unreliable and uninterested in the affairs of quail.  A serial killing psychopath knows when to frame those around him for the murders he committed, and knows when to bide his time until suspicion has died down and surveillance gone lax.  Ah, say you, but the last victim was not eaten the way the others were!  Ah, say I, it was because my dad walked in on the crime in progress--too late to witness the actual act, but in time to cut off the male's grisly cannibalistic ritual.

This was five months ago.  The serial killing cannibal buttonquail has been alone at the bottom of the enclosure all this time.  Perhaps this is what he wanted.  Perhaps he craved solitude and the company of his own kind drove him insane.  Perhaps, in a fit of rage, he killed the first female, and then acquired a taste (both literal and figurative) for blood.

And then, this month, my dad bought three new female buttonquail and put them in the enclosure.  Only time will tell if the male resumes his murderous ways, and likely only doves will be witness to the festival of his madness, should they ever cast their eyes to the carnage down below....

Happy Halloween, everyone!

10.23.2013

Once Upon a Manatee

It is Wednesday, Krispy is sick, and Alz had a harebrained notion she was leisurely pursuing, so as usual she decided to begin blogging by talking about herself in the third person, which she only just now noticed has become a habit.  Anyway, to celebrate Wednesday (and hopefully the beginning of Krispy's recovery, c'mon, Krispy, be a healthmonster!) I have for you today the first part of a magical photostory featuring a sparkly rainbow manatee and his writerly aspirations.  Enjoy!

~*~*~*~

Once upon a time, there was a very sparkly bejeweled manatee.


He decided one fine day that he was going to write a story.


He thought it would be dramatic to write in the darkness...


...but it was too dark, so he decided to write by the light of his favorite mushroom lamp.


However, this was still too dark (bejeweled manatees need good light to accomplish much of anything, he was just too stubborn to admit this), so he turned the lights back on and put pen to paper to begin his magnum opus.











~*~*~*~

To be continued!  What is in store for our bejeweled protagonist and the sudden appearance of this mysterious vile evil inferior competitor?  Only time will tell, and by time, I mean sometime next week maybe.  Also forthcoming is a post (per Krispy's request) about a string of unsolved bird murders involving serial killing quail to which my family has been gruesome witness.  Just in time for Halloween!

Happy Wednesday, folks!

8.16.2013

Happy Birthday, Krispy!...TO THE GROUND

Greetings, folks! Alz interrupts your glorious weekly dose of Krispy's Comic-Con coverage with an important announcement:

Today is Krispy's birthday.  You know what that means!  It's doodle time--but more than that, it's storytime!  Aww yeah!  What better way to celebrate my love for my beloved Krispy than to abuse entertain her?

I bring you an illustrated tale that I like to call Krispy's Birthday TO THE GROUND.

(Yes, we did watch The Lonely Island's I Threw It On the Ground back when it first came out. Every now and then--particularly now--it comes back full-force into our lives.)

~*~*~*~

Krispy's Birthday TO THE GROUND

by Alz

Once upon a time, Krispy was born.

This is Krispy.
As things that are born tend to do, she grew up (as opposed to the opposite--growing down is both unconventional and unhealthy when you are a Krispy) and she wrote and went to school and Comic-Con and clubbed and helped raise a Loki and found herself afflicted by a mortal case of the Alz, but there are no helping some things.

Yet Krispy was a happy Krispy and soon enough, it was that special day again, the day that the universe was made that much more a kickass place by reason of her coming into existence.  Yes, it was Krispy's birthday again!

As Krispy was celebratory by nature whenever a promise of dessert was involved, she donned a party hat in preparation for the big day.  Like a creeper lurking in the shadows, Alz observed this phenomenon.  The wheels of machination, well-oiled by years of sadistic cunning, began to turn in Alz's head.



As Krispy was afflicted by a mortal case of the Alz, naturally Alz felt obliged to do something appropriate for the occasion.



She followed up on her action by wishing Krispy the appropriate birthday sentiment.

Krispy was a mite less than pleased by Alz's attempt at festivity but she restrained herself admirably from such catharses as tears, recrimination, or violence.  Krispy considered herself a paragon of courtesy and anyway, it was her birthday, so she thought she ought to be generous.  Alz was Alz, after all, and there was little enough that could be done to help her.

Instead of dwelling upon a minor damper on an otherwise spectacular day, Krispy instead turned her attention toward matters of utmost importance--namely, cake.



There are few things in this world that are more glorious than a triple chocolate mocha fudge espresso ice cream cake.  And there is nothing in this world more glorious than having a triple chocolate mocha fudge espresso ice cream cake all to yourself.

Alz, of course, was not yet done with her version of celebrating.


Krispy remained a saint.  She did not murder Alz in the face.  There was no helping now that the ground had taken and enjoyed the birthday cake all to itself.  The ground had partaken of the gloriousness that, by rights, ought to have been Krispy's, but Krispy put it from her mind.  She walked on the ground everyday and without the ground, life would be pretty hard, floating in space and all, so she supposed it was all right that the ground celebrated her birthday with her.  Krispy was a sharing person, though she rather wished Alz hadn't chosen to share her things for her.

Still, there was the other best part of birthdays for her to enjoy.  What birthday is complete without presents?

And yet somehow, despite her valiant effort to remain happy and chillaxed, Krispy couldn't help but feel a little, well, edgy.


Surely, though, Alz was done.  She couldn't ruin invite her way into every aspect of Krispy's birthday.  Surely it was all in Krispy's head, this niggling foreboding feeling that Alz was lurking somewhere nearby, just waiting for the opportune moment to strike.


Paranoia is sometimes well-founded.


There are no helping some things Krispy told herself as Alz jumped off the flattened remains of the birthday present.  Really, Alz was no help at all, and there was no helping her.

It was at this point that Alz turned to Krispy and spread her arms wide.  Her smile was joyous, her demeanor demure, her eyes super swirly as she said to Krispy:





There are no helping some things, but sometimes you just have to help yourself.  Krispy had gotten exactly what she wanted from Alz for her birthday.  And it made this the best birthday ever.


THE END

~*~*~*~

Join me now, peeps, in wishing Krispy the happiest birthday ever TO THE GROUND!  Krispy, may your day be filled with food and frolicking!  HOORAY!