Third Campaigner Challenge - Show Not Tell

Krispy saw this writing prompt on Lori's blog (her entry is fabulous, by the way).  She told me about how fun it sounded despite the fact that we failed to sign up for the campaign this year, and told me about the wonderful idea this prompt inspired, and then she proceeded to not actually write it.  Instead, I wrote my own snippet while she finished watching Nikita. 
Write a blog post in 300 words or less, excluding the title. The post can be in any format, whether flash fiction, non-fiction, humorous blog musings, poem, etc. The blog post should show:that it’s morning,

  • that it's morning
  • that a man or a woman (or both) is at the beach
  • that the MC (main character) is bored
  • that something stinks behind where he/she is sitting
  • that something surprising happens.
Just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: "synbatec," "wastopaneer," and "tacise." (NB. these words are completely made up and are not intended to have any meaning other than the one you give them).
I didn't include the extra words, but I think I more or less covered everything else.

The sun peeked over the edge of the horizon, shedding a dark glow across the sea and highlighting the roiling bubbles in amber. The steam rose from the boiling water in dense clouds of gold that coalesced on the angel's straggly hair in tiny shiny beads. His hair was dirty blond both in color as well as the fact that he hadn't washed it in an unhygienic amount of time.

He'd been strolling barefoot over the black obsidian sand since midnight, long enough to see the sea begin to shimmer and bubble as it built with the onslaught of daylight into a full-blown boil. Every inch of the angel's skin glistened with sweat and condensation. The scent of honey thickened the steamy air so that the angel could hardly breathe—and then a whiff of sulfur made him glance over his shoulder.

"What-ho," said the angel. "If it ain't my old mate Illi! How've you been?"

"Shut up, May," said Illi, peeling out of the shadow of a sickly bush: twigs turning into pearly claws, branches becoming arms, stunted leaves lengthening into a cloak of smoke and ash. "I'm here to claim your soul, you son of a bitch."

"You come all this way out to the Sea of Nightmares just for li'l ol' me?" clucked May, putting his hands to his face. "I'm flattered, love. Really."

Illi's fingers twisted together to form a twirling point like a unicorn horn, and he lunged in a smoky whirl. His long thin arm whipped back and then forward.

May looked down at the ivory spiral stabbed through the center of his chest.

"That ain't no way to kill an angel, mate," said May, grinning into Illi's face. "'Specially as there's those who say angels ain't got no souls."

There's mine, and Krispy is working on hers even now as I write up this post. She will post it on Friday. Have you done any writing prompts/exercises lately?

P.S. Tomorrow, we're the featured ninjas at ali cross's writing dojo! We'd be much obliged if you gave it a looksie. We'll post a link to the actual post on Thursday.


Lori M. Lee said...

Oooh, I love how you flipped the angel trope on its head like that. And the description of Illi? FANTASTIC. I'd love to learn more about this world.

Connie Keller said...

I've seen some of these types of prompts on other blogs, they look like so much fun. One of these days I have to take the time to do one.

Anonymous said...

Ooooh, I like how you contrast the beauty and the dark.*applauds*

Thanks for stopping by my blog!

Tere Kirkland said...

Amazing where your brain winds up when you let it loose like that! Places you would never think to go when you have an idea for a novel.

I'm usually stubbornly anti-writing exercises, but I had a lot of fun writing for a recent blog-chain post on the prompt: "It was a dark and stormy night."

Golden Eagle said...

Great writing! I love May's attitude. :P

WritingNut said...

I loved it, great job with this! :)

Lydia Kang said...

I love your writing! Like this:

Illi, peeling out of the shadow of a sickly bush: twigs turning into pearly claws, branches becoming arms, stunted leaves lengthening into a cloak of smoke and ash.


Sophia Chang said...

Wow you guys participated in a challenge and didn't even sign up to Campaign - that's hardcore. Well done as usual.

And to Krisp - what? Hook is way before your time! I thought you'd be like, "Who's Rufio?"

Theresa Milstein said...

Interesting voice. Angels don't have souls? I had no idea! Good job with a very hard challenge!

Emy Shin said...

This is so interesting and intriguing! I love how you've subverted the angel trope. What I really like, though, is the dialogues! So fun!