Library Week 2011

Wow, it's already that time of year again! No, I don't mean Tax time (though that is true too, eek).


Well, we all know libraries are awesome. So, I'm going to take a slightly tangential approach to this expression of my library love. 3 words: Books and Beyond

At some time during my middle school years, the city library received a grant. That grant was used to create a "youth committee," which was responsible for creating a library newsletter every 3 months or so. That newsletter was called Books and Beyond.

The youth committee consisted of student volunteers, and the newsletter was filled with book reviews, fun literary facts and games, and author spotlights. Too bad the YA section was still rather lacking and that the blogsophere wasn't so buzzin' with blogging authors back then.

Not all of us were straight-up bookworms, but we did love to read and talk about books, and we were all, in some way or another, a type of nerd (holler!). So if it weren't for this thing the library set up, I wouldn't have had this fantabulous experience (or read A Separate Peace for the 4th and final time even though it's in my dislike pile). I also wouldn't have this EPIC thing to share with you.*

I give to you this very special advice column.

Disclaimer: Advice is not to be taken seriously. The following was written by high schoolers - worse, high school versions of me and my friends. We thought we were really funny. (I think we still do.) It was all written in jest. Seriously.

Need Help? G Dawg Gives Advice!

Q: Dear G Dawg,
I'm in love with Orlando Bloom and he's in love with me. He contacts me through secret codes in his movies and public appearances. His bodyguard even shoved me once at a premiere in a meaningful way. I contact him by writing him everyday and sending him presents on weekends. It's been two years and I'm ready to take our relationship to the next level. What's my next step?

A: Dear *cough* Bloomluvr,
A girl's best weapon is jealousy. I suggest you start dating Brad Pitt to make Orlando jealous. But you'll have to make some sacrifices. For example, you must change all of your screen names to "Pittgurl" or "BradsAngel." It'll be worth it, trust me. Once you pierce Bloom's heart with your arrow, he'll be eating lembas bread out of your hands in no time.
Best of luck,
G Dawg
P.S. Invite me to your wedding. I'll bring my boyfriend, Tom Cruise.

Q: Dear G Dawg,
I can't stop drinking soda. Please help!
Thirsty a.k.a. Soda-Jerk

A: Dear Thirsty a.k.a. Soda-Jerk,
OH MY GOD! Do you WANT to kill yourself? You've started down a dark path full of destruction. It will take great courage and will power to defeat this demon. You may have withdrawals and wake up from nightmares in a cold sweat. Heck, why are you still reading this? Find a doctor before it's too late!
Deeply concerned,
G Dawg

Q: Dear G Dawg,
When I graduate on June 18, it will be the last time I see my friends. I'm really worried. What will I do without them? What if I make no friends in college? What will I do?

A: Dear My-Best-Years-Are-Behind-Me,
I've asked around and it seems like you don't have any friends. None of the people around you plan on talking to you after the hats fall. College can be a scary place. Too bad you'll have to live through it alone. Hopefully, your mom still likes you.
G Dawg

Q: Dear G Dawg,
I don't want to carry my books around because my homies will think I'm not down wit it. What should I do?
P Unit

A: Dear P Unit,
I had the same problem with my homies and found the solution through personal experience. Get a boyfriend or a girlfriend and make him or her carry your books for you.
G Dawg

Sadly, G Dawg is no longer in the house for advising, but Loquacious Luce is equally up to the task. So if you have any pressing questions you would like answered, please do send them along to us by comment or email. Loquacious Luce is here to help you.

Q for YOU: What have libraries done to enrich your life?

*This mock-advice column was actually written for our high school newspaper, but we did it because we didn't want to write 2 Senior Goodbyes. We'd already done one for the library newsletter, so we wanted to have fun with the newspaper one.


Anonymous said...

Oh my god. I can't believe you posted that. Hahahaha. My favorite is still the "you don't have any friends" one. Spot on. We should start a blog where we answer more important questions like that.

G Dawg

Unknown said...

OMG, I totally forgot about "Books and Beyond"! That advice column is golden. You guys should've been recruited to Cosmo. Yes, G-Dawg, you guys should put that blog into action.

Also, Library Week reminds me of the lovely Stephen Fry on a British show called "Room 101" where you can banish things that you hate forever. Not things like racism and famine, mind you, but crying babies and finger foods. But he gets around to talking about how lovely libraries are. If you have a chance, check it out. Here's the first part: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tO_jmUDaHSA


Sophia Chang said...

Aw G-Dawg's out of commission? I'll just have to ask her at Umami burger.


Lydia Kang said...

That was too funny! I like the Orlando Bloom one. There needs to be another one about someone obsessed with Legolas.

Angela said...

I love your advice column! It totally made me laugh.

Elena Solodow said...

These are hilarious! I never spent much time in school libraries...sounds like I was missing out : )