April, the cruelest month

April - as the title suggests - was rough, but rough in the sense that it was a mix of a lot of things. The title of this post is especially appropriate because it's the first line of T.S. Eliot's poem The Waste Land, and April was National Poetry Month.

So yes, this post is about poetry and the writing I did last month (even as May is ending now, how?!), despite how hectic my schedule turned out to be and how tired I was. I wrote a record number of poems. They were not all great or meant for further revision, but they're out there now on the page or in my Twitter timeline. I did not work on novel or short-story writing, though I meant to; I was supposed to do Camp NaNoWriMo for the novel but ended up with a bunch of poems instead?

The novel aesthetics put together for me by Kaye for the thing I didn't work on.

For me, April had a lot of fun social activities, but it was also very busy at the day job. The current state of government continues to be a constant trashfire, but on top of that, I felt particularly abused by the fun pop culture things I love - the things that should generally be there to bring me joy or even escape! In April,  there was still on-going fallout from the March releases of both Iron Fist and Ghost in the Shell - a double-header of Asian American representation issues (IF for its Orientalism, White Savior-flavor, and general crappiness; GitS for its whitewashing & doubling down on it in movie), made only worse by the excuses, deflections, and general cluelessness given by both productions' teams. Not to mention, how these discussions dredged up the age-old arguments of who true fans are and the role of canon (and when it matters).

I've never really been the type of person to write in reaction to something, but thanks to what I just mentioned causing my low-key constant state of rage, I wrote a couple of poems about that. This was also a useful way for me to try a new poetry form: the Sevenling. It's a 7-line poem that is meant to feel a little mysterious and incomplete with the last line acting as something of a kicker. I've had a lot of fun with them, and I encourage you to try it yourself.

The rage also helped me finish a poem I'd been struggling with since last year. So yay, for channeling negative energy into something I hope is worthwhile! I'm pretty happy with it and hope to be able to share it with you in the future.

A post shared by alice (@akangaru) on Mar 15, 2017 at 5:51pm PDT

But I won't lie to you, anger is exhausting - at least it is for me in the long-run. Usually, it leaves me feeling depleted and helpless, but I guess the constant barrage in March going into April tipped me over to rage, which felt empowering for my writing. That said, it sucked to feel betrayed by the things you usually turn to for fun. Like I can't tell you how good it felt to finally not be mad at Marvel when I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy 2 this month.

That said, like in my college glory days, when I was the most sleepless and procrastinating, I tended to be at my most creative - like my brain was searching for anything else to do. Strange how sometimes it's when you have no time that you somehow manage to be the most productive! Like I said, I wrote a record number of poems - about 9 - though most of them were Twitter poems. I'll be posting most of them at Girl on the Roam, but here's one for the road.

The path we're on is often unclear, and therefore scary. What can we do but push forward? I wish you peace and compassion, friends, and the patience to keep on keepin' on.

Q4U: How was your April and May? Are you more productive when you're busy?


P.S. The winner of my "Nevertheless, She Persisted" giveaway was Cate at Cateaclysmic! She received her tank earlier in May.

P.P.S. I'm trying to blog more often. In fact, I'll have a new post in a few days. See you then!

On Patience & the Timing of the Universe

Lately, this blog has become mostly about geek lifestyle and Real Life updates, but originally, the focus was on writing, reading, and books. Those things are still present here, but it's been a minute since I talked about anything really writing-related. So this post is past due. (And it comes with Hamilton gifs!)

Anyone who has spent even a little time in the book-publishing world knows that the industry is often a game of luck and waiting - lots and lots of waiting. Once you're done writing something and have sent it out, that's it. You've done the part you can control, and then, you wait. (In the meantime, you should, of course, work on something else/new.)

My long-form writing is far from that stage, but in recent years, I've returned to poetry - and trying to get poetry published is a similar tale of patience. A year ago I made the decision to actually send something out in hopes of publication. I publicly stated my intent in my original 30 Before 30 list. That was posted in July 2015; I'd sent out my first poem at the very end of May 2015.

About a month after I told the world I wanted to sell a poem, I did. Strange Horizons accepted "Actaeon" in August 2015, and it was so unexpected and gratifying, not to mention validating. I'm still not comfortable calling myself a poet, but the fact that a selective market like Strange Horizons wanted what I'd written did a lot to make me believe in my abilities. In September, I received a close-call rejection on a different poem, but the note I received was encouraging. So I continued sending things out, reworking poems, and writing new ones.

Fast forward to 2016 and months of either rejections or waiting games ending in rejection. By August, when I was making my new The 30 List, I'd sold nothing since "Actaeon" a year ago, and I was feeling worn and discouraged - like maybe that first sale was a fluke. And it kind of was; it's lucky that I got through on what was essentially my first try.

To get myself out of that funk, I put "sell more poems" on my new list to firm up my resolve and just to send my intention back out to the universe. I looked at the good things "Actaeon" and all this waiting had brought me.

• It brought me to other poets, and these poets have humbled me and taught me so much with their work. There are 3, specifically, who ended up in my online sphere thanks to the publication of "Actaeon," and I'm grateful to know them. Roshani Chokshi constantly dazzles with her bejeweled and lyrical language. Shveta Thakrar's lush world-building and magical imagery leave me breathless. Tehlor Kay writes with such quiet intensity that I'm almost unaware of how powerful her poetry is until I've reached the end.

• It gave me time to work on my craft and to understand my own voice better. I'm a sucker for pretty prose, so it's no wonder I like to write it. But I've come to realize my natural "voice" is much more spare than the kind of prose I'm attracted to, and that's okay. "Actaeon" is actually a good example of that.

• It brought me closer to some writer-friends. For whatever reason, writing poetry is more personal for me, and my insecurity about it is way worse than it is over my other kinds of writing. So letting other people see it for feedback was kind of big step, and using their help to improve was not a small thing.

• It let me rest and write more. I write in starts and stops, and especially when it comes to poems, I have long fallow periods. Having started the submission process gave me the fallow time I needed (because hello, waiting) but also motivated me to produce more, shortening the non-writing time.

• Despite my dip in optimism, having sold a poem and working on more did give me more confidence about the whole endeavor. It also helped that "Actaeon" was nominated for a 2016 Rhysling Award - which is still surprising to me.

Despite knowing better, I do think I let that initial sale set a perhaps too optimistic expectation for the future of my poet-ing, and I let myself seek that outside validation too much. But the truth is the year that lapsed since my first sale was good for me, as you can see in my points above. I think it's important to recognize that sometimes these uneventful/ low sections are necessary and are opportunities for growth, and that this is something that happens to everyone.

So I readjusted my expectations and got back to work.

Here's where the timing of the universe comes in. As I said, by the end of August 2016, I'd readjusted my expectations, told the universe I'd continue to work at my poetry, and resolved to just write more in general. Try more things, etc. etc. I'd turned 30, and I'd put my recent funk behind me. September came along with Labor Day weekend, and I'd filled it with fun activities with my friends.

That Friday, I found out one of my favorite new poems had been accepted by Liminality. It was a great way to end the work week, that's for sure!

Buoyed by the news, I enjoyed my weekend even more. I went to a John Williams concert (lots of Star Wars music featured) and visited LACMA's fascinating, creepy-delightful Guillermo del Toro At Home With Monsters exhibit. The museum visit was followed by a trek through neighboring Hancock Park & the La Brea Tar Pits, catching Pokemon with the ConSquad girls. It was during this adventure that Labor Day Monday that I saw a new email in my inbox.

My other poem "Susurrus" had been accepted by Through The Gate. It was published to the weekly's site on September 13th, and you can read it now if you'd like.

Apparently, the poem had been accepted some time before but I'd never received the email. This wasn't discovered until I queried the status of the submission. Luckily, the news I got back was good!

Which is all to say, there is perhaps some method to the madness of the universe's timing, and maybe putting your intentions out there can help lure them to fruition. I don't know; this life lesson stuff is a little outside of my realm.

via GIPHY

For me, I guess, I had to be willing to wait for it (thanks, Aaron Burr, sir), and just because there's a wait doesn't mean that time is wasted or that nothing will come of the wait. But again, we are only in control of so much (Aaron Burr has another relevant line for this), and we can't spend time worrying about the things that are not in our control. What will come will come.

I think the universe wanted me to remember writing shouldn't be about the external validation and that I shouldn't be content to rest on my laurels. The moment I realized that, admitted it, the universe answered me back.

---

To recap:

• You can find my poetry currently at Strange Horizons and Through the Gate. It is forthcoming in Liminality.
• Actaeon
• Susurrus
• You can read about the inspiration for "Susurrus" & its poem aesthetics at Girl on the Roam.
• If you're subscribed to somaiya daud's myth maker's newsletter, my poem was included in September's issue!
• You should check out Roshani Chokshi, Shveta Thakrar, and Tehlor Kinney.
• Roshani's short story "The Star Maiden" made me cry. Her debut YA fantasy is The Star-Touched Queen.
• Shveta's poem "A Love in Twelve Feathers" was also nominated for the 2016 Rhysling & it's so staggeringly beautiful I have no idea how my poem ended up in her poem's company.
• Tehlor's poem "reflections on rainy streets" reads like a bittersweet song, atmospheric & lovely.

Writers on Writing

Oh hey! Another Monday post from me! This time it's because I was tagged by my dear Miss Tracey Neithercott to talk about my writing process. She posted her piece last week on her blog, and you should definitely check it out. This blog hop/chain basically asks 4 questions about writing, and it's been cool seeing how different people approach the process of getting a story written.

WHAT ARE YOU WORKING ON

I am the WORST right now in that I'm not really working on anything. My brain has all over the place lately, which is bad. But the last thing I was working on was a sort of murder mystery written in verse. It's very experimental for me in that I've never written anything long in verse, and it's a story told from 3 different POVs, which presents a whole other set of challenges.

The idea originated from brainstorming sessions with my #twtpoem cohorts April Tucholke and Lydia Kang, and it was going to be a story told in a series of tweets. That ended up not happening, but with their blessing, I started messing with the story on my own.

Novel-wise, I've been tinkering on and off with a Cinderella retelling. I know it's like the most retold fairy tale ever, but I find myself consistently coming back to this story. And my co-blogger Alz would like me to get back to my Asian Fantasy that I talked about ages and ages ago.


HOW DOES YOUR WORK DIFFER FROM OTHERS

Um, I've been told I have pretty writing? So I guess it might be that. I think because I'm into lyrical writing, I tend to pay attention to flow and mood when I'm writing as well. So it goes a bit beyond just metaphor and description and clever turns of phrase.

This goes hand in hand with my interest in poetry. I don't read it very often (or practice it much) and I've never studied it in depth, but I like it because it's writing in a very condensed, sharp form. I feel like there's more pressure on each line, each word in poetry because you have to say and do so much in so little space. So I think it's a good study for writing in general, and I like to experiment with poetic techniques and forms in my prose too.

I also like ambiguous characters. So hopefully, you'll see a few of those lurking about.


WHY DO YOU WRITE WHAT YOU DO?

Because it's fun??? But more seriously, I write things with magical elements or that play off of fairy tales and myth because those are the things I love. Wanting magic to be real has been a wish of mine since I was a wee lass, so given the chance to make my own magic, why wouldn't I?

WHAT'S YOUR WRITING PROCESS LIKE?

When Tracey asked me to participate in this blog chain, I joked with her that my answer for "writing process" would simply be "Bwuuuhhh?" and that's kind of true. I'm a pantser by nature, so I sort of write whatever strikes my fancy and go with it.

The problem with this is that I frequently run out of steam and then I'm stuck because I didn't really think things through. So now, unless it is really nagging at me, I will sit on an idea until I have a better hold of it. I might write down a line or two, especially if I like the turn of phrase or mood or whatever, but I'll turn the premise over in my head until I've come up with something closer to a plot. I'm also trying to work in more outlining, so that my heading is clear. Basically, I've become more of a hybrid pantser-plotter.

Now, this will be a more unusual thing to say but I have the (maybe bad?) habit of revising as I go. I'm working on turning off my edit-brain and just getting the first draft out, but it's a work-in-progress for me. It's what makes me a slow, probably too deliberate writer. In novel stuff, I read the scene I wrote before to get myself back in the right frame of mind, but I'll also tinker with it. Like I said, it makes drafting slow and I'm not sure how much more effective it is in the long run. But I have this habit because this is how I've always written my academic essays/papers - as in, I rarely did multiple drafts of my papers/essays because I wrote to be done in as few drafts as possible. So whenever I got to the end of my papers, they were essentially finished because I'd already done the revision while drafting, if that makes sense. (And yes, this worked for me if my grades were anything to go by.) But like I said, I don't think this is quite as effective for novel-length stuff but I'll let you know how it goes since my process is still evolving. :p

Anyway, when I get stuck and/or when I'm finished, I step away for a bit before coming back to look at it again.

Pinterest has been a great help for visuals and references. And unlike most people it seems, I can't do the music thing. I like music, but I also like singing along to music. So anything with words is likely to distract me. I can do soundtracks sometimes, but ultimately, I prefer silence (or ambient noise).


Thanks for the tag, Tracey! To continue this enlightening chain, I'm going to tag the multi-talented Cat York and the smartie Yahong Chi! Looking forward to learning all your secrets reading about your process, ladies!

(Edit: Yahong has already written her post! Here: Yahong's Writers on Writing post.)
(Edit 2: And now Cat's post is up too! Here: Cat's Writers on Writing post.)


*Thanks Supernatural (specifically the character Chuck) for all these fantastic writing-related jokes. Perfect gifs.

The Creative Process: Jewelry/Dinosaur Version

Hey ho.  I haven't been doing as much writing as I'd like lately, but that doesn't mean I'm not getting into storytelling shenanigans.  Today I'm going to share with you how my latest jewelry WIP came about.

Basically, our assignment was to create a piece of jewelry using a "found object", definition of which is something that a) isn't metal and b) isn't like a normal jewelry component and c) we aren't supposed to drastically alter (i.e. can't find a thing and then cast it in metal, though it is acceptable to cut bits off and whatnot).

After some scrounging around, I came up with this little guy who came all the way from the desert:

I found him!
...in a basket.
...full of other dinos.
...at the dino museum.
...as a prize for small children who completed the Dino Quest.
...yes, I completed the Dino Quest, as did Krispy.

I stared at him for a while, procrastinating hardcore imagining the possibilities, and eventually an image percolated through my brain.  I have done my best to faithfully render it for you as pictured below:

Like any other person, I decided I'd make a necklace featuring a plesiosaur riding a meteorite that has smashed a chunk out of the earth.  He is the only survivor of dinosaurkind because he hitched a ride on the very bringer of armageddon, but he's not unhappy with being an extremely endangered species; on the contrary, he's had it with the rest of his kind!  Screw them!  He's on to bigger and better things!  Space, the final frontier!  He'll probably don some badass steampunk goggles and become a time traveling explorer who surfs the stars on his own personal meteorite.  Aww yeah.

So, with that in mind, I set about with hammer and torch to bring my vision into three-dimensional form.  As usual, it ended up getting tweaked and modified along the way.

First, I took a rectangle of copper and beat the living crap out of it with assorted tools to get a crumpled shape that my mom said looks cool but not like a meteorite, though I assure you, it is a meteorite.  I then fused silver over the surface to give it texture and different color, and then soldered onto it flattened silver wire for the dino's harness.

Not finished yet, of course. Needs more cleaning,
a patina, a bail from which to hang, and of course the dino
must be set. The harness wires will be crimped to hold him safely
in place during his spacefaring adventures.

Quick test fit to see that the dino can actually be squeezed under the harness.  I've just been calling him Dino, by the way, I thought maybe he needed a poncy or kickass name, but I think he likes being called Dino because he is the last and only dino, thank you, so he needs no other name.  Yes, he has that kind of personality.  Tsk.

I also made a little partly-domed earth with the continents sawed out of bronze and soldered to copper, but it's kind of small and after some general advice and critique, I decided it will be an additional ornamental dangly bit rather than a counterpart to Dino the Meteorite Rider.  Meteorider?  Whatever.  I also decided to make a lariat necklace with the Meteorider Dino at one end and a big copper hoop at the other end for visual balance, fused with silver to match the meteor.  I also added tube settings and will be putting sparkly cubic zirconias in them.

The continents are bronze, they just need cleaning.
The matching other dome half says "Au revoir SUCKERS".
And on the hoop piece, there's a big red CZ at the point
with a smaller orange one on the left, and the third white one
is on the upper right side, by the dino's neck in the pic.

When everything is soldered and sawed and cleaned and polished and chained and patina-ed and otherwise finished, it should look vaguely like this:

I'm still toying with some ideas for the Earth, such as whether I should cut the chunk out or make it some kind of locket (awesome, but I might not have the time and tools to do this), and I'm not sure where/how I will attach it to the rest of the lariat.  I am also uncertain whether the circle part is a wormhole that Dino is using to travel to the far reaches of the universe or if it's an oddly-shaped planet through which he has blasted.

At this time, I have reached the "I HATE LIFE WHY HAVE I DONE THIS TO MYSELF THIS WAS A STUPID IDEA" point that most writers/artists/humans go through when engaged in a difficult project, so I'm definitely having more fun with the narrative aspect as opposed to the actual fabrication.  It doesn't help that Dino is constantly sneering at me either, seriously.

When doing something creative other than writing, do you find yourself making stories?  Also, Dino needs a fancy or badass title.  Got any suggestions beyond the default Meteorider?

It's Dangerous to Go Alone: Adventures in Soldering

Those of you who have played the original Legend of Zelda game for NES may recognize the following image and quote; those who have not may still recognize it because it has become quite the meme.

In pursuit of geekdom and because now I have acquired the metalworking skills to do whatever I want however I want and still get class credit for it, my project this semester is a little metal book of various quotes arranged to tell a story, combined with saw-pierced and soldered images.  And yes, while it would be amazingly badass to recreate the above image in faithful entirety, I have been forced to settle for merely fabricating Link's 8-bit sword and putting the quote on the page.

This time around I took some pictures to document my journey from sheet metal to more-or-less end product.  Join me, if you will, in Alz's Saga of Varying Regret.

Step(s) the First-ish: Draw out Link's sword, photocopy image & cut out, rubber cement photocopy onto cleaned & polished 20 gauge copper sheet which is in turn rubber cemented to cleaned & polished 20 gauge bronze sheet, then tape the two metals together for extra security.  String up size 5/0 saw blade (that's a teeny tiny fine saw blade that practically looks like a hair, you can see a few broken ones on the image below 'cause yeah, they snap easily), wax saw blade to lubricate, then proceed to saw out sword.

Success!  I think I only broke 2 saw blades on this sucker.

If you look closely, the sword looks like a layer cake,
copper on top and bronze on the bottom.

Step the Second: Saw the sword into little pieces because Alz thought it would be a cool idea to go for  accuracy and represent the fact that Link's sword in fact has little stripes on the hilt if you bother to magnify the 8-bit thing by 10x.  I lost a couple of the bits on the floor while sawing and had to use a broom to sweep up piles of dust so I could search through them but yes, I eventually found everything.

In order to keep track of them, I numbered pieces of masking tape and stuck the component bits onto them, as pictured below.  The handguard and blade were easier to keep track of because they were bigger and the rubber cement held them together better until I was ready to peel them apart.

Yes, that is a dalek on the paper.

Step the Third: These steps aren't really separate steps, they're just a whole lot of steps crammed into a single step because I don't have pictures of boring things and/or was busy and couldn't take pictures/forgot.  Anyway, next thing I did was arrange try to arrange all the bits to form the sword--wherein I ran into a problem.  The little hilt bits got flipped every which way so I had to use tweezers to turn them and flip them and nudge them and try to fit them back together aaaaand yeah, on one sword the fit was pretty good and on the other the results were...crooked.

Hurrah!  Success!  Straightness!

...WTF.

In the photos above, the pasty coloring is from flux, which is painted onto the metal to keep it clean and prevent it from oxidizing while it's heated with the torch, and the little silvery chips are solder.  Note that the copper-bladed sword is the one I intended to use for this project since Link's sword is brown; the bronze one is just for kicks and because hey, I have the inverse parts and might as well.  Naturally the one I really wanted is the one that turns out to have a Gothic S-curve going for it.  Sigh.

Step the Fourth: Time to solder.  Heat those suckers (gently) with the torch to dry out the flux and prevent the solder from jumping around, then turn up the flame and heat until the solder flows.  It's a liquid silver flash and bam!  Done.  Hopefully.

Quench hot metal (sizzzzzzzzle) and dump in pickle, which is the term for a sulfuric acid bath that removes the flux and oxidzation and cleans the metal.

Fresh out of the pickle. Crooked sword is still crooked. ):
Ideally there wouldn't be those big silvery spots of solder visible.
If they were on the front of the piece I would have cleaned them up
but since this is the back and I'm soldering them to a metal page, it's okay.

Curse crooked sword.  Try to bend it straighter with pliers, knowing all the while this is a bad idea, and break the bits off.  Weep tears of blood in the knowledge that I Knew Better Than to Do That.  Reposition bits straighter, re-flux and re-solder, pickle clean, and this time clamp sword into a vise and use a file to straighten edges and clean things up.  Congratulate self that you would've had to break it apart anyway to get it straighter.

With a dime for size reference.
Straightening that hilt sucked but at least it's not too bad now.
I also polished the front a bit to see how it looked.

Step the Fifth: Cut 24 gauge copper into appropriately-sized pages. Use a scraper to clean the copper (since copper gets dirty/oxidizes very quickly), then sand it to smooth out scrapes and clean & polish further.  Flux page, flux sword, put solder chips on back of sword, place sword on page, then torch using a strong bushy flame.  Heat evenly all around, then concentrate flame on sword and pray that the solder flows all the way around.  Soldering one flat surface to another in this manner is called sweat soldering since capillary action forces the sandwiched solder to flow between the metal sheets.

Quench piece (SSSSSSSSSSIZZLE) and pray that everything flowed.

It did.  Sword is solidly on there with a faint silver outline all around, showing the solder flowed completely.

VICTORY SHUFFLE.

In this case, I didn't put it back into the pickle because
I liked the coloring I got from torching and quenching.
The pickle would remove all that and leave it uniformly coppery.
The flame-y aureole around the sword is where I painted the flux.

Step the Sixth: Scrub residual flux off piece with toothbrush, soapy water, and a little baking soda.  (Normally the pickle takes care of that but like I said above, I wanted to keep the current color.)

Then it's time to masking tape the hell out of the background to protect that precious color while I polish the sword with sandpaper to regain the shiny and the yellow bronze color (bronze turns coppery when you heat it too much and also gets copper-plated if thrown into the pickle).

Since working with metal,
I've come to truly fundamentally bone-deeply understand
what purpose masking tape serves in life.
Also, I now comprehend why it is called masking tape.

Commence sanding, working from coarse to fine with 320 grit sandpaper, then 400, then 600 (this is a typical polished finish), and then hit it up with some 1000 for good measure (just that extra bit of polish).

It's shiny now!  And look how dirty the surrounding tape is.

Step the Seventh:  Remove tape.  Drill holes for spiral-binding in the future.  Debate whether to do cut-out spaces for paper quotes inserted between riveted pages, or go with stamping.  Fail to come to a decision and realize that there's no blog post in the works for tonight, so take a new picture of nearly-finished work, throw together post, and decide to decide what to do tomorrow.

The holes are on the right side because the pages
are going to be riveted together, i.e.  p. 1&2, 3&4, etc.

And there you have it!  The whole of this took I don't know how long, hours to do, but I can't say exactly how long since I was doing other things at the same time.  But yes.  It looks pretty simple when it's all together like this, but as you can see it is a lengthy process involving much cursing and rage against the universe and 20/20 hindsight.  All in all, though, this page was actually one of the easier ones I've done so far.

Hopefully I'll get this project done within the required timeframe.  Hopefully it will be awesome.  Hopefully I won't have to cut too many corners--or pages.  I already axed three pages in the interest of time and reasonableness and manageability and non-fun things like that, and may axe an additional two.  We'll see.

Q4U: How often is it that you're in the middle of doing something complicated and realize midway through that zomg, WHY AM I DOING THIS THE HARD WAY, only now you're committed to it and can't back out and have to finish what you've started the way you started it?  Or do you restart from scratch and do it the easier way?

WIP Wednesday: Writing Journals!

On average, I'd say that I do 80% of my writing on the computer, in a cacophany of clickety-clacking on the keyboard.  The other 20% is written the old-fashioned way, good ol' pen on paper.  My weapons of choice are usually a Sakura Micron 0.5 pen (color depends on my mood or what I happen to randomly grab) and one of my many writing journals.

I used to try to consolidate my writing into one journal at a time, before deciding that different journals for different projects was a good idea, and then ending up just writing in whatever was closest to hand. 

I also used to try to keep my writing journals free of doodles before wondering WTF I was thinking and doodling away. I now find that doodling is an organic and often necessary part of longhand writing: it keeps me busy while I think about what to write, without the time-sucking distraction of things like YouTube or Bejeweled Blitz.

My doodling habit began when I hit college and found that some lectures were very dull and my classmates' insightful discussion frequently left something to be desired; I sought refuge in the blank spaces of my notebook, alternately scribbling down stories and doodling like a maniac. People thought I was a studious notetaker.  And actually, I was and still am.  I just drew a lot at the same time and buried story-snippets amidst notes about Murasaki Shikibu.



Not pictured: Alz's notes from Japanese Literature.
Pictured: Alz's writing journal from Barnes & Noble.

Writing by hand works best for me when working out short story ideas or just kickstarting a stalled project.  It gives me more time to think about what I'm writing as I'm writing it, and I find it's often easier to force myself to keep on writing when I have a pen versus staring at a computer screen with all the alluring attraction of the internet tingling at my fingertips. 

I like journals with large margins at the top because that's where I jot notes and follow-up ideas and corrections, word banks and name possibilities and whether or not I'm hungry at the time of writing.



Margins are also good for random unicorns that have nothing to do with the story at hand.

My handwriting, as you may be able to tell, is a symphony of calligraphic perfection.  I never have any trouble reading my handwriting, particularly when I'm lazy or in a hurry to get stuff down.  Though it humbles me to say it, I am a paragon of penmanship.

I like flipping back through old writing journals because it gives me a sense of accomplishment, i.e. wow, I filled up an entire journal!  It's quite superficially satisfying as well as more seriously gratifying to know that even if it's a journal of rough starts and srsly unfinished bznss, there's a body of work to work with.  You can't work with nothing, after all.

It's even more gratifying when I flip through old journals and find forgotten encouragements that I wrote to myself.  Like this one:

So there's a glimpse into a couple of my writing journals. Do you keep a physical writing journal?  Do you like to write longhand?  Speaking of hands, do you think better when your hands are busy?

And last but not least, stay tuned for a special NYC vlog from Krispy coming on Friday!

P.S. (from Krispy) Also, if you haven't heard/seen it yet, LYDIA KANG has an agent!!! She's one of the coolest bloggers we "know," so go congratulate her! :)

Give Yourself a Break

I took a mini blog-cation around the end of March in a last ditch effort to finish up some writing. I didn't actually get that much writing done, but the break was nice. It was a good reminder of something I lose track of all the time:

Breaks are good for you!

In our busy, busy world with our busy, busy lives, it's easy to forget to give yourself a moment. We're constantly running on deadlines, goals, and expectations. Have to get to work on time, must finish that paper, remember to pick the kids up. There's almost always something we feel we have to be doing or should be doing, and let's face it, there's just NOT ENOUGH TIME in the day.

And that's why breaks are important. If you're running all the time, you're going to run yourself into the ground. You'll lose sight of the point, of what's important. You'll probably even forget to enjoy doing the things you like to do.

Breaks let you rest and reflect. How else are you going to get perspective if you don't step away for a bit?

These recent breaks I took reminded me why breaks are awesome.

•  Rock Band break: I bought Rock Band 2 a few months ago, but house-remodeling and cleaning made it impossible to play at home. Also, we didn't much feel like it. A few weeks ago, we played and it was super, super fun. The long break, plus the new game (which allowed band customizations), renewed our love for the game. Oh and our band, Mit Hutten, is awesomesauce (at least on the medium level).

• Writing break: After my failed attempt to make my April resolution writing deadline, I took a break from it. Plus, there were Real Life distractions as well. As with many long breaks, it was hard to get back on board with writing. However, when I finally started working on my WIP again, it felt great and I started to feel really excited about it again.

• Reading break: I've been reading a lot of YA fantasy/paranormal romance, and I've enjoyed it. Still, after a while, you lose the sense of excitement and newness since you come to expect that certain things will happen. Gayle Forman's If I Stay was a breather. Yeah, it's got a bit of the paranormal (in premise), and okay, there's some romance too, but it was more of a contemporary, literary YA read. It was a different kind of story, not to mention beautifully written. I loved it, and it also made me eager to get back to the other books - mostly YA fantasy and/or paranormal - I had lined up. Included among these books was the rest of the Gemma Doyle trilogy. I had been eager to read them, but with all the fantasy-ish stuff I'd been reading, plus the huge book sizes, I felt a little burned out and daunted. After my break, I was ready to go, and I have since finished the trilogy.

So next time you feel totally stressed out or pooped out, stop. Breathe and cut yourself some slack! One of the best things I learned in my Meditation class is that sometimes, you have to just banish everything else and BE in the moment. Trust me, you'll feel refreshed afterward.

Have you taken any breaks lately? What did you do or NOT do? How did you feel about it?

Tonal Thursday

I missed what would have been WIP Wednesday because hey, I was actually writing! That brings me to the point of this short post: TONE.

Merriam Webster online defines TONE as: style or manner of expression in speaking or writing.

I like to say it's a "feel" to a piece, and it helps create the overall mood.

Tone is what I've been wrestling with in my current, impromptu WIP short. I wouldn't have started it if I hadn't been intrigued by the idea of "creepy paintings," but I also thought it wouldn't be that hard to establish the tone of the story. How wrong I was.

When I write, tone is usually a by-product of a everything else. Most of the time, tone just happens for me. It's a result of the kind of language I use, the way the characters express themselves, the imagery used for setting and emotion. Let's take the First Lines I shared from 2 of my unfinished shorts, "Thorns" and "Clockwork Heart."

Thorns: Before Leander's father died, he had a moment of burning clarity after weeks of fevered daze.

Clockwork Heart: There once was a man whose wife was in need of a new heart, so he endeavored to make her one - a better one of fine gears and careful enchantment.

I started these at around the same time, probably a week apart. Both of them are supposed to be fairytale-like, but I personally think "Clockwork Heart" has more of the traditional tone of a fairy tale. I didn't really plan out either opening line. I wrote knowing I wanted a kind of dreamy quality to the stories. The thing with "Clockwork Heart" is that the first line clearly sets the tone of the rest of the story. It would be strange if I departed too much from this first line, whereas the first line of "Thorns" allows for more tonal leeway. It sounds serious and a little distant, but it could easily become a close third point of view, for example.

My current short with the creepy paintings is supposed to be, in a word, creepy. The first line does lend itself to creepiness, but it's like the first line to "Thorns" where the tone could easily change in the lines following without making the first seem out of place. You give that to a main character with a flippant, easy-going personality, and she will take advantage of any tonal ambiguity that first line gives. You mix a la-dee-dah attitude with a story that's supposed to be creepy and well, you don't get much of the "creepy," let me tell you. So I've been trying to strike a balance between the intended tone of the story and my main character's personality, and it's really hard! I got two scenes in before I realized her personality had skewed the tone of the piece so far off track that I'd be hard pressed to pull it back later.

This story has existed for somewhere around 2 weeks, and I've already been forced to start all over with a second version. Version 2 seems to be going better with more of the right story tone but still just enough of the main character's carefree approach to life.

My question to you then, dear readers, is what do you do when your character's personality gets in the way of the tone of your story? How do you make them take their predicaments seriously? On the flip side, how do you know if it's your choice of tone that is off and not your character's?

The Writing Process: Longhand Short Stories

I've found that I crank out my short stories best when written extemporaneously by hand in a journal between the hours of 12 and 5 am. Which is to say I'm about to go to sleep but decide to jot down a starter line or new idea before I do, and then it gets wildly out of hand, and before I know it it's 4 hours later and my hand is cramping.

The story then sits untouched, mere ink on paper enclosed in the darkness of the closed journal, for several days.

I then unearth it and type it up, making minor revisions as I do so, and taking notes on future ideas/changes. It sits for a few days more.

Then I bring up the file and revise, usually expanding the wordcount considerably in the process. The story then sits for another few days to weeks to months.

Next I chop and revise some more. This is usually the hack round where segments and bits that I've changed my mind about end up littering the cutting room floor. Some of these bits are saved in case I change my mind while some get deleted forever.

The next few days are spent polishing and reading and rereading and usually not really liking it very much. I let it sit for a while (how long is quite variable, but generally a few days at least and a few weeks at most) and then I reread it to see if I like it anymore. Usually I do, because I've had some time to forget the slave-labor spent on it and, after all, distance makes the heart grow fonder (hopefully).

By this point, I consider the story mostly complete, although I am of course prone to changing my mind about things and there's always room for more editing anyway. But this supposed-to-be-sleeping business does tend to give birth to whole (or mostly whole) stories within the short span of a few hours, as opposed to when I have a story idea I've been thinking about and then try to write it out on the computer only to have it sit around in bits and pieces, lackadaisically adding to it every few weeks/months/years or so. I suspect that the period of relaxation in the inspiration-hot-spot shower beforehand has something to do with this unexpected fount of pre-slumberous creativity--that and the additional pressure of omg-I-should-be-sleeping-now-but-I-need-to-finish-this! Deadline pressure can produce miracles, as essays and reports and the world of academia at large can attest.

Which is not to say that I am utterly incapable of completing a short story by computer composition alone. Just that I've noticed it usually takes much longer. Probably this has a great deal to do with my attention span, which by all rights should belong to a two-year-old in a sparkly toy store as opposed to a graduate student in a writing program. I like instant gratification and a sense of reward, and having the entirety of a story written out, no matter how rough, makes me feel tremendously accomplished--and I like to tell myself that getting the writing done is the hard work of baking the cake, while revision is the icing, the gilding, and the spun-sugar flowers. (Which is, of course, a lie. Revision can be and often is way harder than the actual original composition.)

What do you prefer? Writing longhand or typing on a keyboard, or perhaps both? Do you prefer pen or pencil or felt-tip marker? Do you write on looseleaf paper or in a fancy journal?